Losing Yourself in the Music and Finding Yourself in its Meaning

Great music is like a universal language, you may or may not understand the lyrics but you probably will understand what it is being conveyed. The musicians pour their hearts and souls into creating and performing the songs, literally bringing the music to life. Have you ever heard a song and somehow you feel as if you can relate in a deep and meaningful way? I personally have come across a few that really gets me feeling, well, I’m not sure how to describe it exactly because it’s something of a cocktail of emotions but even this analogy doesn’t seem to come anywhere close to describing it. These are the kinds of songs that I will be discussing.

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Outside of Writing – Taking a Long Hiatus and How I got out of Depression

It’s been months since I’ve actually written anything or posted a new article. I don’t feel the urge to write anymore, the reason I started this blog was to have an outlet of some frustrations and to scream in silence. I was suffering depression at the time, and it feels as if the world was crashing down on me, and every time I woke up I wished that I could fall asleep again, never to awake again. Times goes on, people around come and go, and I felt as if I was left behind. I was but an empty void, a nobody so out of nothingness I simply made this “Hayashi Sora” persona and from that point onward, I crawled out of the shit hole, and filled in that void.

Getting out of depression by yourself isn’t easy, and it takes practice. One of the ways I dealt with it was to drown out the negative thoughts with positive and happy music. Another way was have replacement thoughts in my head, and every time I had a thought that made me feel like shit, I would switch to a more productive thought. The most important thing to me at that stage was to stop depression from chaining me to inaction. If I entertained a negative thought long enough and it has the power to control me, so I simply didn’t give them the chance to. Hell, if I had time to be sad about everything, I had time to do something about it. So, I might as well break free from those blasted chains.

There are many things I’ve done wrong, and regret. So many things I wish to forget and leave behind. Self-hatred is one of the crippling factors during my depression. I had to learn to forgive myself for what I did, and find out how the mistake happened so that I can learn from it. I often fear that one day someone might dig up this dirt, and use it against me but burying all this in the dirt has left me paranoid. So I came up with a more creative solution to this problem. It’s my fucking dirt. I do whatever the bloody hell I want with it, so I might as well be true about it to my close friends whom I trust. I just can’t go on while constantly feeling guilty and remorseful, so I should confess it all, and get it off my chest. I’ve been minding this patch of dirt for too long, time to let it all go.

I was such a worry wart at heart, and I remember that back then I tend to carry a lot of unhealthy mental weight. So it was time to learn to let go, and to put it bluntly, I was learning to “not give a fuck” and started to mellow out. After a few months of lightening up my load, I didn’t feel the need to get mad at people. I simply don’t feel as if I wanted to convince anyone to see things from my perspective. So after a while I lost my will to write my long opinion posts. For the past 5 years in my life, at university, I have learned so many valuable life lessons. Having my life practically wasted by all the garbage around me was unfortunate. I still wish I could erase it all and start anew but alas, this is not how life works.

So other than my depression evaporating and having an outlet that I no longer need, another reason was that I started looking at other articles to write my own. I started dreading writing opinion articles, because they were too long and I kept feeling an urge to borrow ideas because I didn’t have enough of my own. While I could write a review or critique something, there are so many other people who could do it at the same level if not better than me. There was simply no need for me to write any reviews, or any “borrowed opinion” articles because that would mean that I lose my niche. Why should people come to my blog to read something that they can get somewhere else?

The plan now is that for the future of this blog, is that I will start posting creative content such as how to make props or some digital artwork I made. I’m still developing my skills by undertaking a design degree which I have recently enrolled in but I hope you will enjoy what I have to offer. That being said, my posts will be infrequent but I hope to have something to show you soon.

I probably should use my preferred name. People have been judging me thinking that I’m some weeb or otaku which I’m not. I’m simply an Anime and gaming fan. I’ll be signing off as “Neul” from now on.

Good Luck, Have Fun!

~Neul

[Personal Milestone] Getting over my Depression and Looking Forward into the Future.

It’s interesting to see what happens to yourself at different times. Many months ago, I’ve written something to “scream in silence” because I’ve been torn down by my own life. I’ve had to deal with so much shit that I couldn’t take it anymore. I felt suicidal but I knew that was never the option, I’ve survived so much personal hell, and hatred that could kill thousands of human beings and yet I’m still here. I’m still writing my super awesome blogs and I’m just glad that I’m still alive and that I didn’t sacrifice myself to ease the pain. Over the past few months I’ve made many adjustments to make myself happy, and it’s been a long road and I’ve finally gotten rid of that depression. I stumbled across one of the most depressing pieces of writing that my depressed self wrote and I wrote something that I would write now. It’s amazing to see the contrast of who I am now, and who I used to be.

I just placed my heart on paper.

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Composing a List is NOT the Only Way of Writing a Decent Article

These days I’m always running into lists often written by people who don’t know how to write a proper essay and instead they take the laziest and easiest approach possible – write lists. These articles have the advantage of being concise while also being dead easy to write, so that’s probably the reason why they’re so damn popular for many amateur bloggers and content creators. While they’re easy to read and write, they also come with many limitations that you want to avoid as a writer. Personally I’ve actually written them myself when I first started blogging however after reading through many of them written by others I can see that these articles are not very engaging to the reader. When writing amazing articles you want people to read, you can’t afford to take cheap shortcuts like these like all the other mere sheep in the huge flock. You have to find your voice that stands out from the crowd, and that my dear readers, is the polish your articles need to make them truly shine.

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Monthly Log Blog 3 (October 2015) – Traffic Jam, StarCraft II Career Reflection and Negativity

My friend on facebook shared a link to ahotaku39‘s articles, and I decided to have a browse because I can potentially learn something or get inspired to write better articles. I noticed that he writes a lot of opinion posts just like I do and also he’s been doing it for roughly 3 years! A lot longer than I have been writing and he’s gained a following of over 1500 likes on Facebook. I took some time to browse his content and he lays out his points very well, and his logic is very sound. So I gave him a thumbs up on Facebook and followed his blog so I could read more of his great content in the future. On a whim, I decided to leave a comment on his ‘About page’, and I really didn’t think he would share any of my content. However, he went one step beyond that and endorsed my page. Flabbergasted, I couldn’t thank him enough for the shout out because this was exactly what I needed, more people who were interested in Anime to visit my blog and potentially engage with it.

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Monthly Log Blog 2 (October 2015) – My New Notebook and Dealing with Wrist Pain

This October for me was month was a bumpy ride because I strained my left wrist while playing StarCraft II on a cold day without warming it up and stretching. I couldn’t type as much as I wanted to and so had to delay or skip some weeks of writing and even this log blog had to be delayed and as a blog writer, you want your hands to be in tip top condition otherwise you won’t be able to type anything. It didn’t get to the point where I felt like my hands were so painful that they might fall off but fortunately I was able to recover. It was the first time I’ve ever strained my wrist, and I really don’t want it to happen again. On another note, I didn’t have a notebook to keep track of all my ideas, and as a blog writer I really should have one.

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Monthly Log Blog 1 (September 2015) – Learning to Write and Improving your Skills

Admittedly I never actually follow any other small Anime or Gaming blogs, and from now on I’m going to have a look at the bigger picture and get to know the massive community in the blogosphere. There’s one thing that I’ve noticed and don’t quite approve of is the use of “blogging challenges” to improve one’s own writing. The blogger sets a bunch of rules for themselves in order to achieve a grand goal of posting X amount of articles within X number of days, but really, does anyone stop and think about whether or not this actually helps at all?

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